More About Me, Less About Dusty..plus my new site.

I am back and I want to plug my new site, An Addicts Diary be forewarned this is a straight up addiction site with graphic language, and stories. I hope to provide an outreach for addicts and I have included addiction help sites since I am not a counselor. I just want to offer a safe place for addicts, their friends, family, and those concerned to freely speak without judgment. I will share my stories and struggles that I still have, while maintaining this site to keep you updated on where I am at in my journey.

Speaking of my journey, I went to the Psych about a week or two ago and she diagnosed my ADD. She said that she had diagnosed it sooner, but with addicts they have to evaluate and dig a little deeper because the medicine contains amphetamines. I knew that, she knew that I knew that, and to be honest I was hoping that I would score Adderall, a quick acting speed. Let me explain before you think that I was making it up to get some, I wasn’t. I have always had difficulty in the areas that I said I do, I also knew about the medicine and I was not fooling her. I think a part of me did not want to fool her, I was afraid that I would abuse it, no, I know that I would abuse it.

This was a weird situation for me. I felt like I was conning but in a reverse way. I really was concerned about my ADD, yet I knew about the medicine, so I did not want to push the subject because I did not want her thinking that I wanted the Adderall, which I would not have minded having. Strange, the mind of an addict is. Anyway she put me on this new experimental medication which is not a drug. It contains amphetamine but it does not turn into it until it hits your stomach acid. So you cannot actually snort it like you can Ritalin, or Adderall. And the amphetamine cannot be extracted from the medicine, since it is not in an active form until it mixes with your acids. It is time released, the person taking it does not realize when it kicks in and does not know when they have come down from it. There is not a crash as you get with speed. It lasts twelve hours, and I take it only when I need it, like when I am driving, studying, or in a social situation.

The first couple of days it helped me, I can still feel it helping sometimes but I am sure that she will adjust it as she sees fit. I was relieved and a little disappointed at the same time. But now I am just relieved. It feels good, even if it is just for a minute or two, to focus again. Noreen has it literally under lock and key. The doctor recommended this, and plus Noreen counts my pills and she found that I took two instead of one. She gives them to me when I need them. I admit I have looked for her hiding spot, but I found out she actually locked them up and she is the only one with a key. Good for her.

Well that is about it for today, or right now anyway. Thank you all for staying with me through my mental Dusty breakdown.

TD.